Dear Big Box Store Where I Bought Cheap T-Shirts This Weekend,
I hope this note finds you well, and that you had a nice weekend.
I am writing today to bring your attention to an area of your store near the registers. It includes several rows of shelves with various toys, knick-knacks, clutter, minutiae, and other junk all inconveniently located 6 - 40 inches above ground.
While my boys and I waited to purchase t-shirts on Saturday, the boys were handling all of the knick-knacks. Most of which look exactly like what they are (junk), so the boys quickly put them back down.
But there was one shiny little treasure, on the top shelf, that caught Bug's eye. A Captain America wristwatch. Bug decided right then and there that he needed that watch. That that watch was absolutely the best watch that had ever existed.
I said, "Oh, well maybe you can ask for it for Christmas."
I picked up this fancy little watch and checked its price: $19.99.
I decided that a whine-free line for the register was not worth forty dollars (because, as you probably already realized, I would have had to purchase a second watch for Squish), and I told Bug that I would think it over, and that maybe we could come back for it another day, but that we were not getting that watch on that trip.
He was unimpressed.
Deeply and seriously unimpressed.
He complained that he really wanted to get something for himself.
He complained about never getting anything (even as I was in the process of buying him a superhero t-shirt).
He even complained that he doesn't have a watch (even as I pictured his Spider Man watch sitting sad and neglected in a drawer at home).
Yes, it was 11:10 am, and he was hungry.
Yes, he had been up too late the night before.
But you, Big Box Store Where I Bought Cheap T-Shirts This Weekend, you were doing this on purpose. You put those little treasures on that shelf knowing that the 3-4 foot tall crowd has little to no impulse control. Knowing how much they love super heroes and princesses and soccer balls. Knowing that adults will pay money to stop The Great Whine Festival of 2014.
Please remove your impulse buy section and send your apology note to me at your earliest convenience, or else I will start a social media campaign using the following hashtag:
#dwibs (down with impulse buy sections).