Potty humor

Bug, Squish, and I just spent the weekend in Wisconsin with a very dear friend and her family of five, including three boys aged five and younger and one sweet little fourteen-week-old pup. 

On the first full day that we were together, my friend drove all of us (that makes five boys aged five and younger) in her minivan to the zoo.  Bug was in the way back, sitting with my friend's older two boys.  At some point during the drive, I heard their friendship bloom.

Something like: "And then the poop goes down the pipes!"

"And then a big monster from inside the toilet grabs me!"

"A poop monster!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha poop ha ha ha ha ha poop poop poop ha ha haaaa!"

And so, this post is dedicated to the three most riveting bathroom moments of my recent travels with my dearest little ones. 

One

Bug, Squish, and I found our way from our car at Logan to the ticket counter and then to the bathroom. 

All of which was no easy task for [at least] two reasons.  First, my poor husband was home with a crazy bad back for the weekend, so I was traveling solo.  Second, in some fit of paring-down-because-I-am-going-alone-and-don't-need-anything-but-the-boys, I intentionally left the stroller at home.  I realized as I unloaded the car with my two goobers that a stroller would have come in pretty handy for the walk from the car to the terminal and then to the gate.

So, I was amazed that the three of us actually arrived in a bathroom stall. Bug peed first and then it was my turn.

"Why are you using your bum?" he asked.

"I am sitting to pee, love," I responded [in a public restroom].


"Why don't you use your penis?!?" he asked.

"Because I don't have one," I answered.

Then, Bug catalogued the people he knows who do have them.

I confirmed.

Then I stood to leave the stall, and Bug said, "You do have one!  I see you have a penis!"

I tried to deny it, but he is convinced otherwise.

We washed our hands and left [the public restroom].

Two

On our way home today, at the gate at O'Hare, they called for those of us traveling with small children to board.  I picked up Squish and smelled a diaper that needed a change.  Not exactly easy timing.

We boarded the plane, found our seats and settled in. 

I realized we would not make it until after takeoff.

I said to Bug, "[Bug], [Squish] has a stinky diaper, and I need to change it.  We are going to have to go to the bathroom all together on this plane.  But plane bathrooms are very small, so I am going to need you to be super cooperative and follow all my directions.  Okay?"

"[Squish] has a stinky diaper?"

"Yes.  Let's go.  Ready?"

"Okay."

So, the three of us made our way to the  back of the plane and entered the tiniest bathroom on the planet with a changing "table" that might be the size of a large picture book. 

I set Squish down and tried to clean him up as his legs dangled off of the changing "table" and as Bug narrated every moment.

"It smells in here."

"That is a lot of poop."

"Is this sink automatic?"

"Are we taking off now?!?"

Eventually, I put a clean diaper on Squish, washed my hands, and herded our little circus back to Row 6. 

Such a proud moment for me.

Three

Back at Logan, off the plane, and having found the bathroom before we would get our suitcase. 

After Bug finished peeing, it was my turn again.

"Is that door locked?" he asked (about the stall door).

"Yes, love.  I latched it for privacy, so please leave it be until we are all ready to go."

"Privacy?!?  But we are in here with you!" Bug noted astutely.