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Potty humor

Bug, Squish, and I just spent the weekend in Wisconsin with a very dear friend and her family of five, including three boys aged five and younger and one sweet little fourteen-week-old pup. 

On the first full day that we were together, my friend drove all of us (that makes five boys aged five and younger) in her minivan to the zoo.  Bug was in the way back, sitting with my friend's older two boys.  At some point during the drive, I heard their friendship bloom.

Something like: "And then the poop goes down the pipes!"

"And then a big monster from inside the toilet grabs me!"

"A poop monster!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha poop ha ha ha ha ha poop poop poop ha ha haaaa!"

And so, this post is dedicated to the three most riveting bathroom moments of my recent travels with my dearest little ones. 


Bug, Squish, and I found our way from our car at Logan to the ticket counter and then to the bathroom. 

All of which was no easy task for [at least] two reasons.  First, my poor husband was home with a crazy bad back for the weekend, so I was traveling solo.  Second, in some fit of paring-down-because-I-am-going-alone-and-don't-need-anything-but-the-boys, I intentionally left the stroller at home.  I realized as I unloaded the car with my two goobers that a stroller would have come in pretty handy for the walk from the car to the terminal and then to the gate.

So, I was amazed that the three of us actually arrived in a bathroom stall. Bug peed first and then it was my turn.

"Why are you using your bum?" he asked.

"I am sitting to pee, love," I responded [in a public restroom].


How to be late to work - a 39-step tutorial

Have you ever asked yourself, "How can I be late to work?  What are the steps I should take to ensure tardiness?  I have a fairly flexible job, but I would really like to push the boundaries and see what happens."

Of course not.

Neither have I.

Yet I found myself lost this morning, unmoored from any semblance of routine, and a bit later than expected. 

I woke up at 6 am to the sounds of Squish - something along the lines of "MOMMA!  MOMMA! [Do you hear me, Momma?  The sun is up, and you are not in here.  Wake up, Momma!  I am awake now.  You should be, too!!!]  MOMMA!"

At 8:45 am, I was backing out of the driveway.

That makes almost three hours of Morning Time. 

If you ever want to replicate the time warp that was my morning today, just try the following:


REVIEW: Kindle Fire HD to the rescue - times three

The kind people at Amazon sent me a Kindle Fire HD to review (see disclosure of this fact again at the end of this post), and I am really freaking glad they did. 

While I have not used all of the bells and whistles yet (including "KindleFreeTime," which allows parents to limit screen time per child and according to content for up to eight kids), this little device came in handy at least three times during our vacation in Oregon.

We are Amazon Prime members, so we already have a few movies for Bug in our video library.  I downloaded two of them so that they live in the Kindle device (as opposed to living only in the cloud - which requires internet access).  During the six hour flight to Portland, Oregon from Boston, having a movie available was awesome.  We flew on an airline that offers movies and tv at every seat as part of the ticket price, but there was some extra comfort in being familiar with (i.e., having already approved as age appropriate) the movie that Bug was going to watch on the plane. 

On the plane, we were divided as a family.  My husband and Squish were in two seats on one side of the aisle, and Bug and I were in two seats on the other.  Bug, anxious for his movie to start, couldn't have been more pleased when we finally reached an altitude that allowed me to turn on the Kindle and get his entertainment going.  All of which was necessary because Squish decided the only way to fly that night was on my lap.

Then Squish went bonkers, and the only thing that seemed to make him happy was to hear me sing the A-B-C song over, and over, and over, and over, and over.  He clapped and cheered for me every time I finished the song.  His praise helped to ease the pain of looking over at the empty seat next to my husband.  (Squish is not yet two.  We could have avoided paying for his seat and called him a "lap infant" - as he was so readily demonstrating in my lap, cheering me on to my next rendition of the ABCs.) 

Finally, Squish fell asleep in my arms.

The fact that I was managing Bug and Squish on the flight for the first hour and a half was definitely eased by the fact that Bug was enjoying a movie on our Kindle.

*               *                  *               *                *

Later in the vacation, we were in Portland with our dear friends.  That made for four adults and three children under the age of four. 

One late afternoon, all we wanted was a beer and some appetizers in a little pub type place near our hotel.  We all sat down, and things were going smoothly for the first fifteen to twenty minutes.

Then, the three-year-olds in the group grew restless.

I pulled my Kindle out of my bag, connected to the wireless signal at the pub, and started a kids' show at the table that made them both happy, quiet, and still.

We finished our beers and snacks in peace and had mostly adult conversation.  It was amazing.

There was probably a time in my life (let's say while I was prego with Bug, for example) when I would have judged a mom who set up a screen in front of her child so that she could drink a beer with her friends in peace. 

That time is over.

*                  *                *               *               *              *              *

When we arrived at the airport in Portland to check in for our flight back to Boston, we learned about a ninety-minute delay.  A delay that would get us to take-off by around 12:15 am local time.  A delay that put us at the well lit gate, waiting to go home, for nearly four hours with Bug and Squish at just about the time when they would normally be snuggling into bed. 

Kindle to the rescue.

Bug got to watch a movie, and it made his night.

Squish (immune to movies) needed to be walked around the airport in his stroller until he fell asleep.  I thought that it would only take about twenty minutes because it was well past his actual bedtime.  I was wrong.  Feet up, arms out, ready to sing to the ceiling, Squish was in party mode and wanted to experience every last second of the Portland airport.

Finally, my husband took over the duty of rolling Squish around to sleep, and I got to read a magazine next to Bug (who was quietly but thoroughly enjoying his movie).

*                       *                   *                   *              *

I realize I have shared only the most basic aspects of the Kindle Fire HD, but basically it is really great.  And I know that I will be taking it on work trips for myself.

(*Amazon provided me with a sample Kindle Fire HD 7" for review.*)


Is being green better than being hot, exhausted, and vehemently angry at luggage?

This morning, the four of us navigated the local bike path on our way home the airport after our week long vacation in Oregon.

The bike path?  Is that right?

Weren't we in a car driving home from the airport?


We were walking with:
  • four carry-on bags (one hybrid backpack/suitcase for Bug, one backpack for Squish, one tote for me, and one overstuffed backpack for my husband);
  • one stroller;
  • one Squish in the stroller;
  • one Bug alternating between walking with his hybrid backpack/suitcase and riding on our "stroller skateboard" (an attachment to the back of the stroller that allows him to stand and ride along as we push);
  • one regular sized rolling suitcase in perfect working condition; and
  • one enormous sized rolling suitcase with a broken pull handle that refused to come out of its shaft - a broken pull handle that actually came to symbolize how much I love my husband and how strong our marriage is because having to steer and roll that enormous unwieldy thing along with everything else brought us to the brink of turning on each other at least seventeen times before we even made it to the bike path.
After we had taken the T.

After we had taken the Silver Line.

After we had been on a red eye from Portland.

Why were we doing this?